wow, even I can be rendered speechless
This happened today at work–I rambled in, spent too much time in Starfuckers waiting for coffee, had our meeting and signed my offer letter which was more than I thought it would be for, but no, not $20 an hour. I have been speaking for months about the pay my company doles out for really great work and how insane it was the cost of living here is so high and I was making just over $15 an hour. Now I am kinda far from it, well, that’s the letter I signed anyways– I know, I am a 42 year old with a LOT of experience in so many industries it is sad that some dog walkers are making more than me, but whatever, I get vacation like you wouldn’t believe weeks and weeks and a few other perks we won’t bother gloating over right now but it appears that almost killing my husband wasn’t enough for me to walk away right now. One of these days I will disclose the story (once I’ve left), but for now just know he almost died this summer and my company could not GAF. No, really. It happened. But now, with this payoff, I might forget to ever identify them by name. I am kidding but for once I got credit.
So yes, right now I can rest knowing I wouldn’t be making more at most new jobs here so–oh well to that plan. I had been half, semi-looking for other things. See my goal–my focus is this–I am someone who has gone through enormous amounts of stress and has endured a lot surgically. I am covered in scars–my neck, my clavicles my chest my stomach my back. I have this sharkbite scar as they call it—it means a lot of terrible shit has happened to me in year past but at the end of the day MY identity is not just that at all. I am going to find a way to do the other things I need to do–and one of those is work my own business(es) AND retire from my company before 50. In 5 years would be ideal, 1 would be best but maybe somewhere in between will work if I bust ass. WRITER. DO THE CLASSES DEANNA.
But right now, for the immediate foreseeable future I am not looking to be the best travel agent at all. I am not looking to work up or be anyone other than I am, a mid range help desk associate who likes having a lot of time off and will die younger than most. Who’s almost grateful for that at the end of the day, ultimately but I have no plans to run shit anymore but my own things. No more making things work for other people, I think this job is my last job really doing that–my next ventures?
Vlog, beauty vlog, cooking show with Don, copywriter, writer and artist in there.
A few changes I have made as a result: Goals, tasking, making, dream building. Those go into a whole host of other places I will elaborate on later but I have been trying to incorporate some regular practices into my routine because they are good to do.
1) Gratitude every day: Today I am grateful to have my brain sharp enough to make more money.
2) Exercise/walk every day at least 10,000 steps. Not as hard as one would think, especially given I am fidgety as all hell but I am living in just over 1,000 sq feet which leaves room to pace, in circles, but pace I do do.
3) Read–if not every day, at least 20-30 chapters a week. I cannot tell you the relief I have felt reading books lately and avoiding Facebook entirely. Yeah I have facebook, but right now I am leaving it there to collect birthday messages because they are sweet, and people are sweet to leave them and yes to that. That’s good stuff to remember, not how many times I want to punch you all in the face for the current political climate.
4) One linoleum print or “project” a week. A project would be defined by something that could someday appear in a book called Things to Make and Do, which not so coincidentally was my favorite book of projects growing up. It was green and from the late 60’s early 70’s and I made a TON of shit out of it. I have mere days to finish the current incarnation of said print, but I am holding myself to it. I used to have talent. Some of it is still there, so un-practiced I hope I can relearn again.
5) Redo this whole shebang website. Shebangs shebangs it all to bits and moves it around and might make some changes. Not might, yes, will be making some changes.
6) Last but not least, instagram. Would you believe I have several semi started accounts, names often coinciding with businesses I want to do? Yes, yes I am that person, more concerned for marketing over product development. Terrible, I know but I know you all want to see my face because. dammit. I did age well. It could have gone so wrong, but man you cannot tell I have gone through 7, 8 major surgeries and almost died more times than are comfortable. I should look like shit but I have a core of good that keeps me happy enough to avoid being ugly. And that’s your thought for the night….
EVERY DAY. HERE.
