worth more dead than alive
Man, the thoughts running through my head the past several weeks–my family was in town, meaning my real family which is not the birth family as though they originated the genetic material, certainly lacked a major influence in my life for most of the more important developmental years, we’ll say. My mom and dad were here. And that is odd because it’s been a longggg time since we have all been in the same space outside of their homes in years. And I saw a ton of relatives and wow, hard to believe the threads with knots of numbers of people but I will write more on that later.
Result of this–my place, office, creative space got bigger and cleaner which means I can really evolve these promised practices. Promises promises. Yeah, still require money to complete so I am working on it party people. Well. Don is the one planning the schematics for video and all that crap with software right now. Which is good because yet another letter demanding $17k arrived again. I’ve got a lot lot of money to manifest since the hospital got tricky and split my debts up into 3-4 law firms and each one is threatening to whatever it is, legally siphon my money out of my paycheck which means….
Well shit I don’t even break a grand net every two weeks so if a few of them take their money and the student loan on top, I give nothing to my existence but to exist. I cannot contribute anything to my home. Which means the next surgery will definitely most absolutely not be one I hope to survive. I know, famous last words but sometimes enough is fucking enough and I don’t have an ego big enough to think anyone gives a shit about me enough to go fund my ass out of the hole.
See I was going to wax something fucking philosophical but instead end up suicidal. Such is the promise of America anymore.
