when you throw up in your mouth
Man the panic is thick out there and the only thing we all have is we are all in it together. I am sick to my stomach as well because Don is far away and I have no absolute control over anything, including the people he runs into all the time. I am suddenly regretting not taking more selfies with him but we were never that couple but I hope to see him soon. His state has far less cases than this one but that doesn’t mean shit when I am inside waiting for him by Skype every day and I cannot see what he does and who he comes into contact with–not that I am some super controlling person, but I think the temptation is less prevalent when there’s me as a distraction clearly. I did send him a bunch of food so let’s hope that helps him avoid contact with the public at large. I did make him get a shower head for his skin and water is filtered that he drinks so I did all I could. Ugh. But the waiting is what I hate. I am sickly lonely enough to want to see him whenever I want all of the time obviously but that’s more a testament to where I am. I have had to think what I would do if something happened to him and I don’t think I would make it out of that. And rightly so. A gem of person it took me so so so so so many different attempts to find. There would be no point after that.
I know I gloated about the preparation but I was just gloating over my pay attention to all of the news and not just what I agree with but I am actually sick with worry. I have one person who means the world to me and is everything to me and he is far and now considered essential personnel and I just want to not freaking lose my shit. I would hope I would be spared more terrible shit since the heart and the baby lacking the one thing I have is my love to sustain me through it all. Seriously ….protect him, universe. Kill me in a few years I don’t care just don’t let him get anything bad right now because it’s not gonna even be a few years if so. You know how long, please don’t let me down.
