What it takes to be something else
We all want to be the better version of ourselves after a year’s come into reflection…I always do, and why I’ve always fallen short…and this is the year things have to change, and it starts with small habits which will hopefully thunder into something bigger. We’ve got a concept we need to fund some video cameras with, and somehow I think this is going to have to be the year to do it. Not in some cataclysmic this will be the last year we are, or anything, but this may be the first year we are a different kind of place than I thought we were. Which makes me wonder a few things–and I hope somehow, some way, we find our way out of the bullshit, but this might be the beginning of the ridiculous, or the end of the awesome. Which is about as simple as my mind will allow right now. To think about it all too much is worse than people should admit.
Today I ate normally, like 3 times. I realize that is a ridiculous enough thing to be a punchline. I get it. I had too much sugar, which ultimately IS the thing we should all cut out universally, but it’s hard and has been a crutch over the years. I suppose I didn’t really know how bad it was until I realized the levels I was consuming and what happened to me at many junctures in my life.
The little habits, the exercise, the working on things, the focus on the end goal–the baby steps I need to take to get to a place where I am not burping out bullshit posts like this. This wasn’t some allusion to me being drunk–because I am not, though I realize I almost prefer it as a better state of mind than what I usually sit within, scheming and building and developing a better end than this…and realizing the utter hopelessness of having the ideas I do without the means to really develop anything beyond a brilliant pass-a-long to someone with better means in conversation–the URLS I have owned, numbering in maybe a dozen plus…tax ids usually accompanying them all. The concepts I am great with, execution, F-
Today was easier to get stuff done within–the early wake up, the coffee ready when I sat down, the phone calls I made to remedy the things I did. This week I call the lawyer about the affidavit of domestic partnership, the will end of life crap I feel I need to address, and yeah–I have this brilliant plan to try and pay off $60k in 6 years, which will hurt and might even kill me, but if I do make it to retirement, you better believe no politician is going to sell any banks out when they can just garnish our social security checks as old people. Wa-hoo!
I also realize this whole development into better I’ve announced previously–attempted half-heartedly, but I have to admit…my heart doesn’t feel like it’s got a hell of a lot left in strength but my heart is of course just as strong as it ever was—maybe a little banged up over the past year…and though I’ve got a list of my own personal failures I could announce for just my whole life, not even just this past year–I’d say it’s just time to get on with it, on with things which will leave me in a better place than ever–
Oh, and my clever stories–never published, never tried…never once. That I gotta fix, too.
Numba 2, see?
