what a difference a day…and a lack of insanity can make
Well thank the gods I am starting to level back down to the plane of rationality. I went a little cuckoo there for about ten days..
Because of my general irrationality and insanity I decided I needed to see someone to smack me in the face and tell me it was ok. I was coming home from work last night and stopped by to see three of my friends who were at a cafe around the corner from where I used to live with the my friends…and I realized that the girls have become my new rock and foundation of sorts. When they are not around I tend to feel completely abandoned, well I mean shit, that is a common theme running like a melody through my life. I keep forgetting how to tether the rope to this stuff and not sit on it as a basic idea but an actual foundation. And as I sat with them throughout the night and was joined by one more of them I laughed like I hadn’t in a while…dancing, drinking, being silly. Of course in a group like ours–5 hot girls who are all trouble..bad things tend to happen sometimes. But last night we were responsible (well at least Ellen and I were) to save face and make it to work this morning. And today was the first day in what seems like weeks but is more likely less than one, *not* feeling absolutely terrible. And I realize it was their existence and caring that made it all better–S sat down with my outside last night and said, “you know, I am really glad I met you…you are such a cool girl and good person, and I think we were meant to meet and become friends.” As cheesy and cornball as this might sound, it’s nice to get validation from someone else of your value to them. And I felt the gears flip in my brain—from the genuinely morose self-inflicted pain kind to the you know what, dude, you are awesome frame of mind. I should have realized part of this when my cardiologist actually SENT me a personal PA. (I know, I know, so funny but not). I received the thing yesterday, which is funny given the context of my last story. For your cardiologist to be sending you practical gifts and being just generally awesome is pretty sweet, and meant something to me.
And then today someone pointed out to me that I was a beautiful girl with some extra lines on my skin…both tattooed and scarred throughout. Me being my own worst critic said, oh, uh, I never thought about it like that. Thanks.
Beyond this morsel of light comes some other things I need to correct. Number one is stop talking about business plans until after they actually come into EXISTENCE. I have been sitting around this heaping pool of ideas for so long now that I have somehow convinced myself just “having” the idea is enough in and of itself. I was speaking with someone last night about the bar and club I started in town and how great he thought it was and how other people took credit for it when I had begun it and it was my baby. And I realized I do have an ego about it, because it was MINE. To do it again the right way (meaning my way) would be sweet but would involve a kind of investor who might not be who I wanted to deal with (meaning anyone but me), so the money has to be made somehow. I don’t know why but walking to work today and recognizing the Wetlands used to exist not far from where I spend office time was pretty interesting–no grungy clubs really exist anymore it seems. And trust me JC when I tell you I can do things nobody else can and I have already proven it to myself and a good portion of the community. Even if it isn’t there, I will make it happen.
So today we deal with the affliction of corporate inefficiency, whereby you work for a company which is incompetent at handling major problems and making significant change which will make the problems a situation which is NOT repeating. I am definitely full of sass in regards to this place…for sure:
Deanna i hate them
Deanna i know that sounds evil
Deanna but i do
noodle well its like how many times can we go over this?
Deanna and because I am a true asshole
Deanna I also wrote this
Deanna The only other thing we might want to do aside from start adding legal is to correct enjoy “40% off you purchase” and switch it to your.
noodle i. heart. you.
Deanna HAHAHAAHAHAH
noodle its ok, cause when you hover over update in shopping bag
Deanna if you read further down
noodle it says “update shopping sag”
Deanna no kidding~
Deanna hahahahahah
noodle yep
Deanna show me
Deanna i mean forward me
Deanna ahahahahah
Deanna thats AWESOME
noodle and they need to say 40% off **** and ***** SINGLE or (individual) items
Deanna well I am not telling them how to do that
Deanna telling people what to do here is like the kiss of death
Deanna as people like to tell me
Deanna it is a game of psychological manipulation
Deanna where you give someone and idea and make them think it is their own
Deanna which is stupid as hell
Deanna but unfortunately how it seems to work
12/12/09…badass lass full of sassafrass.
