ughhhhh: tomorrow I am split open like a turkey
Today has been hard. I have cried and joked with the nurses. Many of them tell me I have a great attitude, and I am still me in that I am trying to keep things jovial. People come in and ask how I am and I say “having the time of my life CLEARLY” or “living the dream” which is my favorite sarcastic response.
BY THE WAY–my preparation was on point. They asked if they could shave my groin, I said, “no need!” I also told them I waxed my arms which did make it easier though I am still a hard poke. They all are talking wonderfully about the surgeon so I am sure he is beyond qualified. Also the goggles–the techs mentioned they had never seen that and they were grateful. The filter people are jealous of and I was told to get it out of here tonight–I do have it tagged if someone did steal it but I should be alone in my own room tomorrow and people should respect my need to have masks on. I did tell D to not let anyone be my roommate without that thing on. I do not trust anyone.
BY THE WAY people in that check-in area to be admitted DID HAVE THEIR FUCKING MASKS OFF-not everyone but it does take just one. I do feel the need to capitalize that because it is utterly absurd. I made SEVERAL comments, freaked out my husband and we stood in the hallway outside. You’d think in a hospital, right?
And THAT is exactly why I have this sucker. This filter I have running right now in this tiny room. The food sucks, though the people working here are unaware there are places with OUTSTANDING food like University Hospital in Aurora, CO. She just gave me a suppository to drain my bowels. Also…I have a giant booklet they gave me which did say–do not shave your legs the week before. Sorry guys, I just did that. Some of these booklets would better serve people if they GOT NOTICE. So I will be doing some episodes later with the booklet with some highlighted things.
Oh oh oh. None of these people have heard of my gene defect. One of the cardiac team members actually uttered to me–that’s not something a cardiologist would know but a rheumatologist? Say what?!?!!? Why the fck wouldn’t a cardiologist know about something that could split the vessels attached to your heart you would ask? Why would you ask that? Because I did and I think that they SHOULD know all the connective tissue disorders if they are working on heart and aortas. Not a single person knew what it was, no joke.
I had a real time trying to get the internet to work and finally did. I don’t think videos will be coming until I am home. Which might be Tuesday or Wednesday if I can aim for it. Monday would clearly be best but that seems crazy even for me who is a surgery overachiever. My family in NC called yesterday, made funny faces. I talked to my birth father too.
Pray for me, send me good energy, pray for that happy heart I have.
I told one of the nurses today who said I like your attitude that you CHOOSE happiness. I mean, come on, you do have that choice because the world is full of the worst shit right now–why not focus on the best shit?
I have more lessons I would love to impart–my life of you don’t get what you want just because you want it, you do need to adapt and adjust to be able to roll with the punches–but it seems too final to have done one of those.
BUT. The third thing in this list is do not torture yourself for perceived conflicts before they happen–if they don’t happen, you punished yourself for no reason–and if they do? You suffered twice for the same thing. What a fucking waste.
I stopped crying an hour ago–I have been on and off. I think I will be okay–I am keeping my phone with me tonight for the healing tones. To ask them to keep that in an OR when there is so much going on is unrealistic–but before and slightly after should be still effective. Again, they said I was very well prepared so this girl knows some things.
Be well, have a wonderful Friday. Eat some mochi in my honor, wear a pretty dress, buy your girl some flowers. Do something nice in my honor is the rule if you want to find one.
big smooches n shit. Thanks for reading. XXOXOXOX
Has anyone heard from Deanna? I’ve sent her two messages on Twitter because that’s how she and I originally connected but haven’t heard from her since the day before surgery. I’m worried about her and wondered if anyone who reads this knows if she’s okay. I sure hope so.
Hey! I am okay. I am so sorry I did not see this until now. I am finally feeling fine but it took a lot of time to get here. I was in insane pain and couldn’t deal and literally wanted to die every day until 4-5 days ago.
I am so sorry I got kicked off Twitter-I suggested Trump would die of a COVID heart attack or stroke before being able to complete another term and they kicked me off permanently bc I was “bullying”. I did not say I wished or hoped, I just suggested he would given his age. I don’t have access to any Twitter accounts any longer, my scarsandhearts or the corona one. Thanks so much for caring. I don’t even know how I can communicate with anyone any longer given that but I guess I spent too much time on it all anyways.