On speaking my mind
You know, I have been trying to pinpoint what changes may or may not have occurred from these past medical adventures. And I realize that the main core of my metamorphises involves a general deep self realization about how I feel about situations. The main core of my issue involved the fact that I imagine situations and how I would feel about them, but rarely get to exercise my reaction, as in realize my imagination with most. However, when we were looking for a new roommate, a dude came in who looked as if he had a smirk on his face the whole way through the interview.
We didn’t choose him, simply for the fact that his expression seemed to veil some kind of weird hostility.
This is where my imagined imagination screwed it up.
I emailed this kid, which I did with most, because I wanted to extend everyone the courtesy of a reply because so many had been complaining about that.
In my response to this kid, I included that he might not want to look as if he is laughing the whole way through the interview. Just a head’s up but I realized (he worked as a script supervisor for a ridley scott film called american gangster and was putting in 12 hour days) that work might be tough but to watch out what his first impressions meant.
He replies, “I smile out of the side of my mouth which some people see is a smirk. Why did you have to criticize me he asked, (continuing with) I thought you two were really nice. But no hard feelings”.
The only way I could win in this instance was by saying I’m sorry. I have become entirely too candid and blunt with people after my heart surgery three months ago. That I had two strokes but am totally awesome.
That I am writing shorts as well, and he might see me around.
He is offended though, not realizing I ended the mail with, 12 hours are long, you should take care of yourself.
Half of me pictures a nice excited response, Hey man, we should write! Then I realize my life is not exciting and driven by strange plot trips. That things for me work in straight lines.
I really wanted to get guacamole and chips. And serve sangria thereby making my own party. Shit just got mellower, though and nothing exciting happened but a meeting with a doll faced gnome-like girl.
But anyways, yeah. I can’t help saying what I think, world. Too many people have been telling me I’m too blunt. When you have no voice though, nobody hears you at all. I get electro shock therapy on my vocal chords for an hour when I go.
Most of my latent hostility is to the fact that everyone stares at me, but nobody has the guts to ask anything. That people make horrendous faces and thoughts about shit that has gone down. That they won’t pull the trigger with a fucked up comment.
That I would pound them so hard in place their minds would never forget.
To them I say, SHAME ON AND STOP MAKING IT OBVIOUS!
If fucked up questions are what you would like to hear, I will send Bryan right over to you….sometimes myself, but he puts my bluntness to shame….
We went to GNC somewhere once…or some store…and there was a kid at the counter with one arm. B just goes and asks him, Hey man, what happened to your arm. I forget what the answer was, because I couldn’t believe he just asked this kid that…I mean, you never know…some people don’t want to be asked personal questions by strangers….but B seems to think that people are relieved to just be asked rather than stared at or eyes diverted….
I agree…and I ask what is probably fucked up shit…like, I went to dinner with a close friend, my old college roommate…and we were talking about money…she said she was going to leave her job and her boss gave her a 10k raise…and I asked her what she was making so I could understand her situation better…and before she answered I stopped her and asked if she minded my questioning….of course she said no, but I have friends who would have been appalled.
Same with diamonds…B and I are dying to know the carat size of his sister’s ring…just cause it’s huge and we’re curious what size something that looks so huge really is….but we can’t ask her because we think she would freak out. I know it is considered tacky…but for me, if someone asks me something, I assume it is because they have some reason for wanting to know the answer…so, I just answer and don’t think of it as uncouth.
Yeah, I just totally went off on a tangent. Sorry. Keep the blunt. People that don’t like it, appreciate it, get it….well, those aren’t people for you anyway. And interviewing roommates BLOWS. It’s worse than for a job…because once they’re in, they’re in. Good Luck. 🙂
rawr
One of the nicest things anyone has done is sit down next to me on the subway and ask me what happened to me. I thanked him profusely for not just staring, but actually having some sense to satisfy his curiousity and relieve my embarassment by doing so. I have never been offended by that. Now, if I were somewhere where my appearance was intregal to the position I was working, I might be a bit upset…but only if a supervisor was there to see it.
I have asked that money question as well…and I have heard it is rude…but I am not exactly sure why when it usually comes up in the conversation anyhow. Iw ould never out and out say, by the way, how much is your salary? But I have on many occasions asked about rent and house cost and all that. Not because I was trying to be an asshole, but because I am nowhere near that and needed a point of reference at the time.
The blunt thing has gotten me into a bit of trouble lately with friends. And I lost a friend because I out and out told her what I thought about some behavior I thought was not cool…even ending my statements with an I apologize if this hurts your feelings note. But sometimes it is just not appropriate I guess. I just figured if I died without saying what I thought, that would be pretty fucking gay. And without a literal voice, when I did have an audience, it was much nicer to actually say something than bullshit people along.
Sorry I have been taking forever to respond. I am going back to work next week and have squeezed every drop out of summer I possibly could.
I love to hear people’s stories, so I always ask questions….But, I do preface it by saying, “I hope you don’t mind me asking”….like your stuff always spurs questions on my part…but I don’t even always get the time to ask….lol. So, I think, I will continuously add questions to a list and then I will ask you if I can just interview you. That would be interesting.
I asked my friend what her salary is because the convo was about why she is staying with her job that is an hour and a half commute each way….vs getting a job by her….when she said they gave her a 10k raise…I was curious how much it was total…for no reason I guess but as a point of reference…as to what would make that kind of commute worth it…because she seemed a little frazzled with the commute…she has 2 small children..and her husband is a third. She is a very close friend of mine and I think I knew she wouldn’t be offended….
I wish simple curiosity was good enough reason to ask. I don’t think I have ever been offended by a question asked to me ever. Well, except when I was asked if I “jew-ed someone down” for something I got at a street fair…or when I was asked if I was a “JAP” because I am a Jew. So, other than anti-semetic questions, I can’t think of any other time. lol.
I had the same problem with a friend recently. Long story short, she basically said, “Hey, what’s up? I don’t have a real scheduling conflict or anything….I am just choosing not to go to your WEDDING because I just don’t think it will be that fun for me…SORRY! Made other plans already because weddings just aren’t fun without a date…. But, hey, can’t wait for you to come and see my new apartment…Love ya lots. Hope you understand.”
I told her she was selfish and careless with our friendship being that she missed my shower and birthday as well….and asked to help plan the bachelor/ette thing I didn’t want in the first place then bailed….Suffice to say, it was really long, and I spared no words…a lot of shit came out….TOTALLY blunt.
It escalated and I will never speak to her again. Not because of what she said to me, but as you know…you find out who your real friends are when you have milestone events in your life…for you, it was the possibility of imminent death….you felt like you had to get something out. SHe wasn’t ready or willing to receive it. It sucks but sometimes you need to cleanse yourself of toxic people from your life…that you don’t even know are toxic til something like this happens.
You got a job?? Doing what? When?? Congrats! Hey, I posted that blog about the charity event on the 29th. B and I are going to be there. I am a “W Girl”…an original…lol. B would love to meet you as much as I do.
errrr
I read about that thing with your friend. Sounds to me as if she was being blunt in an I don’t care if I hurt your feelings way. So forget about her. You have to love it when people take your milestones as something they themselves should benefit from…like, “sorry Tara, I’m not going unless it benefits me directly…and I don’t care that it is something important for you”.
All that aside, how lame is it for someone not to go to a wedding because they don’t have a date anyways? Barf all over her, she obviously stinks.
Oh…the job. So I worked at my company for three months, earned my health insurance, got sick 17 days after I earned it. Then I had to take a leave, obviously, because of the surgeries and all that. The last day I worked was December 17th. My previous boss (who has since left) made arrangements for me to pay my paycheck deduction to them directly and they would pay the company portion so long as I returned. Suffice to say, this was an incredibly generous and amazing thing to do (saving me several thousand not paying cobra) and the company honored it after his departure. I work for Bliss in their corporate office. It’s not the most high paying position I have ever held but they treat their employees really well and actually gave a shit about me when I got sick (knowing me all of three months). The HR director told me I was a good employee and they like to treat their good employees well. So, I have nothing to complain about. I am going tomorrow to talk to them about my new schedule…I have different responsibilities now because my voice is limited…and hopefully they will be much more intregal to the company’s function. The whole company’s manager called me today and sounded really excited that I am coming back. I can only attribute this to my candid and silly come back interview I had a few weeks back.
I am really excited is all I know. This chick is going broke, for sure…I have less than two months expenses in the bank right now…
PS
The company deduction for my Health insurance, sorry for not clarifying before.
Well to clarify, I shouldn’t be surprised about that ex-friend of mine…this is someone that if you mention her name to anyone, the first word that comes up is “selfish”…but I am just not cynical. I ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt. Not in a martyr kind of way…just kind of naive I guess. I get that from my mother. She wrote me a really nasty email that I didn’t post about…she called me tacky and rude…and said it was selfish of me to expect my single friends to just “suck it up” and go because it is “my day”. Whatever. I’m done. I felt sorry for myself and now I am over it. It just hurt my feelings. I am SO not bridezilla…but this thing with her was the last straw. I would NEVER decline someone’s wedding for that reason, I wouldn’t email it, and I would presume to tell someone how they should be spending the money for the wedding (ie, inviting random people).
Bliss? I have never been there, but have always wanted to. I actually applied for a job at their corporate when I was trying to leave SpaFinder.com. I don’t remember what happened with them though. It sounds like they really like you…and you have a good deal there. I hate Cobra. It costs an arm and a leg. Was on it when I got fired and then when I was laid off. It was like $330 a month or something!! What is your position there? I am so excited for you….it must be a relief to have a position waiting for you when other aspects of your life have been so unsure.