masshell..again?
good god. so somehow today i made this grandiose decision to move back to masshell. allston, more specifically, about a 20 minute walk to Harvard Square. Has she gone insane, you ask? NYC for the prop, training bra city of Boston? I suppose it just may be a possibility, the insanity plea, but somehow the decision, though coddled in bullshit, might actually make sense for me at this juncture.
I have been swimming, no, DROWNING in bullshit for the past several years in NYC. Going to school has pretty much been slingshot out of the horizon because of the sheer volume of money that falls out of your pocket while living there. I am not talking “FUN” money, party money, or money with any kind of true purchasing power, I am talking about the $30 of lightness that one experiences just by walking out your fucking door.
Now, I might have felt a feigned love affair with NYC in the past, but that love is dead, murdered, put out like a frisky fire because it has kicked my teeth in one too many times.
This of course doesn’t mean that I am trading one bad boyfriend in for the other, because, let’s face it, masshole is a state full of more insane people per capita than any other state in the country. It will simply provide for me what it has for countless other millions of others; an educational pitstop. Ok more than a pitstop because my education expired, or rather the relevence of it all did-so yes, several years of pitstop and bullshit to eat up creamily while smiling.
Shit talking aside, I did maintain residence here for 10 years before running away, so I know exactly what it’s about. Looking for bartending work today resolidified the fact that people here have no true people skills, and that, strike all bad assumptions about NYC aside, because they all should be for Boston.
As was quoted to the bartender at some place in Harvard Square by me today after she asked me how it went with her boss: “You know, people shit talk New York as being full of rude and mean people, but I have never been treated like more shit anywhere else than when I have been in this city”. This seemed to be a stunning statement to her, because she seemed perplexed by my hands folding the application and walking out with the statement that her boss was an asshole and I was not leaving anything for him.
All truth aside, I am trying to figure out how to get a slick bartending job in the interim of my slyly coaxing my overqualified ass into the doors at a neighboring university. It will be difficult, I have realized, because not only am I not from here, but I actually am NICE, I MAKE EYE CONTACT, and I SMILE. Oh wow, and on the rare occasion, I can even make the icy laugh. People are not used to that here, and I have realized even the handshakes I have been getting over the past three days are warped and overly gestural, the kind of handshake that signals “yo, my cack is big, and I will squeeze your hands until I feel it’s ah-right. You taw girls don’t skay me.”
Ok so that’s my latest diss on masshole. you might be able to fulfill some of my dreams, but i have to get used to eating a lot of shit to do it.
