love and hate and walking the line
Sunday.
crazy dancing in the town square (I wouldn’t participate–gawky and spaghetti limbs don’t work like that–but this is a new mission)
I like surprises, which is why I often like those situations, even if they are only set up in my own head, where I learn something and surprise the shit out of someone else. Oh I look like a monkey now? Wait until you see me in a month…I would pair up perfectly with Fred Astaire as the tattooed Ginger Rogers.
These have included in the past and present:
Portuguese
Hebrew
Arabic
Spanish
Dancing anything from modern Chris Brownesque stuff to learning to Salsa and the other fun and sexy stuff
Guitar
Singing
I have some of the currents folded into the pasts.
I was reminded pretty urgently today–my life is not bad. Far from it, in fact. I need to start looking at the future and trying to meditate the present to really balance all out in a non-feeble way. A kind of personal reconciliation of some sorts. (reconcile is quite possibly the one word I forget the most on this planet, I swear)
I am not a bad person. In fact, nobody I have put myself near in so many years has really had any inkling of badness that I could not flush out with a bit of distance or a good talking to (or through).
Without getting too gushy or stupid…I was on the verge of giving myself another seizure today but got pulled pretty forcefully out of it. And I thank my lucky star(s) for that. Because another seizure presents a possibility of stroke. And that would pretty much suck.
So my zen ass is going to call my friends the brokers tomorrow and give them a deadline. Of tomorrow at noon. And if they don’t fix this, well, I guess I will have to cancel the checks and get my money back and start over. At this point I will have to put my things into storage though. Because I have dragged this all on long enough. Then I’m coming over and knocking on your door. ha. No. I am going to (at least try to) cash in some favors I am owed though. This is why you always offer up the help when you have it to give. I never ever have expected any kind of repayment of anything. But I guess I could go banging. So lock your doors tight, kids.
I am going to finally try doing some of this shit I’ve meandered across (in my mind) but been afraid to fail at. I am thinking I actually might be able to do some of it if I try…just try to do it.
It’s something I have been utterly afraid to do (fail). I don’t know why. But why not do it when I actually have something underneath me to catch me. Uh huh. You get me, I can see it.
I am going to the equator to get some sun in January, but hopefully it will be more exploration and less escapism (though escaping to the beach to roll around in the sand is probably an okay excursion).
This is my new new theme these days:
summa donna
simma down na
simma down now
For reals.
And I know I made mention of my journal of the lock-down.
And for all the rest.
Love. It’s all there is (that mattered) and was at the end of it all. How’s that for some philosophy? You knew it couldn’t be all right didn’t you?
Francis,
Please do not have another seizure, if possible. What happened with the brokers?
I think you should learn Portuguese because then we can talk in code and no one will understand us except the other people who speak Portuguese and they do not count.
I love you.
XO
Francis
I love you Francinnamon. Avoiding seizure is key. For sure. The brokers are tools. It’s ok. I am going to get them in trouble when I call their boss and threaten to Fox 5 them or something. I hate Fox but I have always wanted to Fox 5 someone.
Portuguese is still on the list!
xoxoxoxoxo
Take care of yourself, seriously, it’s definitely not worth another seizure.
If going under the radar for a while helps then do it, I hope it all works out.
I’ll be alright. That freaky broker called me at one am after he came back from his trip and saw my threatening email to him.
I am very good at writing hateful letters. It’s a skill I have and I usually get what I want. A terrible thing to admit, but it’s generally true.
thanks!
The power of the pen, never under estimate it.
hahahah. There are people I know and love who are afraid of it. That’s how I know it works.
😉
Well, considering the communication skills(or lack there of) I see on a daily basis(both written and verbal) that’s really not something to be sorry about. Besides, if I every have problems with someone I know who to come to for a nice motivational letter to get it resolved 😉
Very true.
hahaha
🙂
I haven’t been stopping by enough, I thought you had already found a place. Keep out of seizure land, please.
bad fetus!
you really are one bad mia fetus.
maybe one day you will find a reason to come play again. my place is cool. I swear!!!
Re: bad fetus!
So you did find a place? What happened to the evening of talking that we were supposed to have?
Re: bad fetus!
we can have it! I just thought you were really busy. I have been trying to stay kind of close to home to save money and all that.
hopefully soon I will have ways.
maybe this week we can meet? maybe can you help me a little tiny bit this weekend? I do have a place. The brokers were just being fuckos about calling me back.
I thought you found a place, a great place at that, also. I hope it is not somehow in jeopardy.
Please take care of your health first and foremost. Brokers and languages won’t matter if you have a stroke. 🙁
If you knocked on my door, I’d be pleasantly surprised, but I’m a bit out of your general vicinity. I think you might find my Stepford town a little on the boring side for all you want to do these days.
I would like to still have access to your stuff, seeing as I only write about every 6 mo to complain first about wedding stuff, then about my parents. Other than that, I can’t get it up for writing these days.
thanks lady.
of course you can have access. you and i are friends. you have access now–but i will modify it further and elaborate in future postings.
🙂
stepford towns, boring? you have no idea where i grew up. it would surprise you for sure.
Deanna- I know I can sound moronic, but I am only on this thing to read your stuff and two other people. LOL. So, anytime any of my three people mention cutting people or ask who wants to be on their “XYZ” filter, I feel the need to raise my hand so I’m not picked off. I only recently realized some of my old shit on here from my wedding time was unlocked and let’s just say it wouldn’t have been good if anyone saw it. I also had to pay like $15 to change my screenname here since B named his new company after me and when googled, it wasn’t exactly business-friendly stuff coming up due to all my random writings just hanging around. I think I’m just not meant to keep an internet journal- but I love to read yours!!
Where you grew up might be Stepford-esque, but how you live these days is not. For what you have on your “Bucket List”, I feel like you’d need to be in the center of some place happening and exciting. But, I’m always around for you- if you need a distraction, a friend, an ear, a ride in the mini, a comment, a kugel, an opinion, or whatever. Just letting you know. You seem (from your writing) to feel let down often by people so I always want you know that I’m here.
Yeah, I really hate having to do any filters. And it’s not like I want to…but it’s also one of those things that is usually temporary. I just think the distance we have talked about is important to enforce in every way possible–and it’s too easy any way else.
I know you have raised your hand often to help and hang. I will be cashing in on that someday soon I hope.
And of course I want to have another housewarming but that might be pushing my luck. Miss Manners would be horrified I am sure.
Screw Miss Manners. No one would bat an eye at a second housewarming. Good food and friends makes for a warm house anyway- and you’re always entitled to that.