jesus christ my discipline sucks-maybe NSFW or children
this is one of those if you are judgy walk away posts, fair warning
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Better to get down to the point of it rather than tiptoe around the edges of pretty thoughts and ideas. Pretty thoughts and ideas kind of never go anywhere since they are usually the kinds of things that keep sitting in your head and certainly hardly fucking manifest if you do nothing. Clearly this is a struggle that might not just be my own, but certainly my issues haven’t been for lack of ideas. Oh my god, if I had registered a patent for every one. That would have been impressive, but instead I am left with a host of ideas unhosted basically.
Don has been researching the social media phenoms lately and is pretty much ready with me to start some sort of experiment, though trust me the eventual death wishes and horrible streams of diarrhea which arrive with an unknown group I have been heady and cognizant of for most of my adult life. I know exactly what happens when you put yourself out there so easy to touch. Keep in mind this blog is from pieces of blogs back to ’99 was it? Maybe a pinch earlier. That’s a lot of life and that is basically almost the entire history of the internet as we know it. I did the chat rooms. I text fucked the guys, sexting sometimes seems a bit too light for some of the stuff I have done in my life. I sent the video snippets, I traveled over state lines. Yes, even across the country’s border to meet men in the ever-evolving fucking pathetic search for love, sometimes. Pathetic in its desperation, maybe, not pathetic for the end game. I got threatened by many women along the way. I got followed home across state lines. I got called all kinds of terrible things in communities I had no way to defend myself in–man I have fucking seen the bowels of what the internet has produced which is why I have been pretty fucking private about most things. I know what can happen when you force the window so wide open.
I have been a bunch of different people in my life, small evolutions off the original, and now, well I was going to write now I am an angry bitch, but that isn’t even it. I just do not care as much as I did for getting acceptance from so many others around me anymore. That’s another way of saying I have no friends. haha.
There were a lot of candidates, can I call them inoffensively, I will admit. A LOT, in my search for love. Hundreds would not even be out of line for me to say because again, that was ELEVEN YEARS SINGLE as a woman who was not half bad looking living in the city. No I did not fuck all of them of course, but I certainly wouldn’t say I didn’t fuck a lot of them. That would be a filthy lie. There were a few women in there sometimes I guess, but hey, AGAIN, this is NYC. Sometimes I was good, sometimes I sucked, whatever, dude, it’s life in America anymore. Well, it should be but WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THE INCEST PORN ABOUT EVERYONE?
That is going to be a topic addressed on one of the shows we are doing. Yup. It’s a perfect side gig for someone who really doesn’t leave the house too much, so I can avoid general in-person abuse maybe. I know, last words, dude. I get it.
