I am about to mourn the loss of my friend, computer

I think sometimes I am too finicky because my moods cannot be satiated with delay. The delay of the computer in loading my page, or even just the delay of my mere existence.

That Ipod I gushed about is still waiting for a launch time–the computer I am working on is 6 years old. The majority of these years were without issues, yes, but you cannot load even one cd on this machine without waiting 10-20 minutes. I0-20 minutes is giving the machine the benefit of the doubt, because I did wait 15 the other day and loaded only 4 songs. Then I decided to disconnect until a later time when I could get a machine to do something remotely satisfying.

I try to sit down sometimes late at night and write. And then I am bugged by sounds assaulting me from all angles. Yelling, TVs, loud conversations. I want to scream SHUT Up most of the time, but I usually reserve myself to silent inner tirades. You know, those moments when you plan your revenge, though just imaginary at first, to even out the negativity. If my mind could be read, I would be in some serious shit pretty much nonstop. Then again, I think this might be everyone, and why we have the ability to open or close our mouths whenever we want.

I am having fun with this FAFSA business. It is really satisfying to list your income and know that being poor is actually good. I am very proud I was able to pull in 10 grand in a year I was ill non-stop. Granted half of that was disability, but I am proud of what I have been able to imagine achieving at least. You would have to live in New York City to know how preposterous and completely ridiculous that money really is to live on.

The dog is illing. I am now thinking it is manipulative I want all of the attention sicky, but she is liquid pooping, so I guess I will have to give her a few sick days. This means a few ten hour work days, but whatever.  I am a champion. I cannot be stopped.

This reminds me. Depakote, man. I am not a fan. NOT a fan. It cements my idea that god is a complete fallacy. Because a chemical flipping my words inside out to the point where I question my own meaning and have to continue to correct what is coming out, vesus what I put there..it does not indicate any divine intervention or even a presence of anything beyond science.

Bush given a rousing welcome on Wall Street today: “Opposes tax hikes for the rich, and doesn’t want the government deciding limits on CEO pay”. Of course you don’t, you little prick. I wish hate could cripple, but it really cannot. Sometimes I am completely appalled by what I read, and then I read stuff like the psychoanalysis of Bush in New York magazine, editorials on Bush’s idiocy from people who worked for him or for his father, and I realize that maybe people aren’t as insane as they appear to be. I just hope that they can vote in someone intelligently this time. You do see people get all riled up about republican versus democratic ideology. But I think that we should eliminate both parties and focus on good candidates. It looks like the Obama threat is really starting to unnerve some people…and I am a bit excited about that. I do love the soapboxes that people have started to stand on saying, “but he doesn’t have enough experience to run this country”. To me this could insinuate a few things. Has he been corrupted, rotted and used and abused to the core yet? Nope. Is he diplomatic and respected by both Republicans and Democrats alike. Yes, he is. Would it be better to have someone who didn’t have that nasty reputation of being a divider and instead a uniter. Yes, I think it would. I think someone who was respected and who was not hated, and who has a different perspective to bring to things is exactly the type of person we need representing us. Not representing the Iraqis, nor the small percentage of people who make up the top crust. But the actual country. Plus, if you consider Bush’s international and foreign experience, it was in just sucking off the Saudi government in oil deals. I am not sure that really counts as experience, though.

I have noticed the smear campaign against him, people scurrying to find all of the dirt they can on him. At least he has integrity. And the actual intelligence to put the appropriate people in places where he would need them. With him. I definitely have hope.

Does this mean I wouldn’t vote for Hillary? Nope. Just wanted to show a bit of support is all.

I have to get my freaking site up. I need to have more time to myself. I am considering shortening my schedule and lengthening my days to satisfy my writing and alone time needs.

This reminds me…if anyone hears of any bartending gigs. I’m your girl.

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