These entries discuss heart surgery, recovery and other related comments.


When Timing Exists Perfectly to Fuck You: My Dog was Taken

I cannot even explain the frustration and deep pull of my heart in my chest right now. It is truly a heavy fucking weight right now, and is probably not the best thing for me to be enduring right now either. I had an aortic stent surgery a month or so ago…and getting everyone to…

this is where it begins

I can’t exactly convey how exciting it is to be here, of my own accord, through my own efforts, finally getting somewhere close to what I wanted. I have always spoken of making something beautiful out of the destruction my body has forced me through…and it wasn’t until recently that I realized paintings from inside…

inspiration comes from the strangest places

Oh, today–you started off bizarre, tear-filled and empty, then became a little more tolerable as the day went on. Poor F had to bear the brunt of it originally, meeting me on the street with tears streaming down my face…and enforced to me that I should be more focused on giving and being a good…

lemonade and sunshine dreams

My original ramblings at this time were an amalgamation of spit and blood and muddied heart songs. I am choosing to flip it around and focus on the positive, what I do possess. My head is hurting me and it has been for quite some time now…I have been getting these strange headaches for weeks….

and because tears grow possibility sometimes

I feel like I am in a constant state of flux and movement…with so much going on, floating by and becoming more real, it’s easy for me to get distracted with the whats I think I don’t have and/or should…I have realized that the history shaking is going to be a big deal for me….

because the heart is the body’s strongest muscle

In efforts not to continuously repeat my same mistakes, I am trying to do things a little differently. This has led me to the path and understanding that where I am is a direct reflection of me…my experiences and how I have reacted. It was never about anyone else even if they did me wrong,…

these are my moments to purge

Things have been careening in my brain to be a little out of control—there’s a definitive need for me to get it down once and then go back and filter and edit later. This is my project to be done before school starts in January. I think it will probably be the most therapeutic thing…

my inner bits

for any of you curious about grafting and all that. i told my cardiologist today, “I am afraid of the swine flu.” He told me he and his team have not kept me alive to have me die of that…and then turned around and said, “if you did die of the swine flu, Liz would…

seizing for the birds

So I was on my way back from a lovely trip to San Diego…waiting in the airport lounge for my plane’s departure. My head hurt and the confusion hit–when was it leaving? Should I be boarding. BLam! No dice lady…you are relegated to territory previously unexplored by your little body. So yeah, I was supposed…

um where did I go?

so the world has calmed down for me again very suddenly. and thank god. i really thought i was going to lose my mind there a few times, and not because of anything that anyone else did to me, but for what i did to myself. this going to school as an adult business does…


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