Happy Barfday to me
Every year on my birthday I find at least three minutes to reflect on the current state of affairs, and consider them in a state of the union kind of manner.
I am still without a true unscattered, straight direction towards any one thing that makes complete sense for me. I have realized I actually do know who I am and exist very solidly in that respect. But it’s the who I am I sit comfortably in, and not the where I want to go. I moved to the city many years ago to tattoo, or to learn how, and almost 6 years later, I haven’t done that–mainly because I don’t understand how you would go about forking out a few grand, being a shop bitch, and having no time to actually work to pay bills.
I am pseudo-single with some weird possibilities in the mix, but that is pretty much the story as the years come in and out.
My interest in this community is not as prevalent as it once was, and my account is about to expire. For the sake of nostalgia, I am still here, but I have watched a few of my friends turn into multiple xes on my buddy list.
It’s funny–I got this advice on Saturday afternoon from this group of four dudes that looked like firemen/cops, and one of them was pretty adamant about me doing that, if it was my dream. And then I thought, huh, it really was the only thing I totally considered for a career. In my life, like ever. The only fucking thing.
They were telling me to move down shore in Jersey, to just get away from the city. And yes, it’s draining, both spiritually and monetarily. But it’s cold and dark down by the beaches in the winter, and there’s no guarantee anyone would even take me in to help me learn that shit. Then there’s health insurance and my heart problem.
So what do I do?
I have to really figure that out. But if anyone has any advice on that shit, lemme know. I did learn how to pull apart a machine and put it back together. I briefly learned the art of needle making but I need to do that again, too, I’m sure.
Or maybe I will just be a rock star. hahaha. Scattered brain and directions always, uh huh. But Keith and I are starting a band. He plays in a pretty decent band in the city, and wants me to sing for a side project.
hearts to all.
deAa
