emotional institutional whatever it is
Lately I have been walking this line in between complete happiness and complete moroseness. These are things I should not be writing about today as it is the first day I spout a red river of hell from regions beyond. But anyways, yes, I really feel like men should have to experience the humility behind knowing that you could be sitting in chair discussing the weather, politics or what you plan on having for dinner all while feeling as though you have a drainpipe dripping into your underwear. It really isn’t a pleasant experience and I of course am especially bitter about it, given that my period is most literally useless, and something that is there just to remind me of how useless my uterus is at least once a month for the next 30 years. Sure, we get the longer life span, at least statistically, but what good does that do when you spend 12 weeks a year, what amounts to be one year after four bleeding into various feminine hygiene products for no apparent reason. For me, this means most likely these coming years will be cool except for the seven plus I will be bleeding, or menstruating as they say. I think the math probably works out more in the male favor to get those years cut off…but who am I to judge?
I’ve been gaining weight, I suppose. Eating ice cream always helps and the potato chips dipped in Sabra hummus is a sick treat as well. I now weigh a sleek 129, which is only 15 off from what I weighed this time last year. For some strange reason the photographers keep contacting me to shoot, and I keep responding with, sorry, I just had heart surgery, you probably don’t want to take pictures of me at this time. This is usually followed by a ohh, sorry, we can take pictures of your face. My face is the only thing I have been confident about for the past ten years. The years before that I was pretty ass ugly, but I do wish I could transfer my confidence with that to other parts of my body. I am all angles, no curves, bony hips, bony chest, bony butt bony legs. I am not what you would consider a great example of the female form.
Sometimes I wish I could import a friend again. I’ve done this on a few occasions. Like, a female friend that wouldn’t judge, someone I could respect and hang out with. Or two. Too bad the chicks my age are all married with babies and issues, and the girls younger than me aren’t anywhere near what I could relate to…
I’m so with you on this (the drag that is menses)… ‘cept I weigh only 100 and I’m 5’9″ !!! I’ve been struggling to be over that for yeeeeears. I look at your 129 and drooool 😉 You seem to recover from your surgeries really well too and you don’t eat meat. I don’t get it girl. You must have an amazing constitution. I lost like 2/3s of my hair after my first heart surgery and have seriously considered never getting another surgery again even if they tell me I need to… instead just bag it like a cancer patient and saying screw the chemo thank you very much.
hmmm
I give my congrats to the healer guy for my small bald spot.
I don’t not eat meat, I just don’t eat it so much. I eat the fishes. The other day I even ate some beef in my stir fry. And I had bacon this past weekend. Yeah…
Nobody can ever believe how much I weigh because I usually slip into size 4 pants or 6 when I am bigger. The biggest I was was like a 8 or 10 right after high school. Even then everyone said I was skinny. I think I hide a lot of weight in my big head.
I am 5’10 so I think my weight is in my inch and my huge cabeza.
I am going to be 30 this rocktober, and my menstrual hell was unleashed some 4 years ago now. I used to not understand that whole I need to call out of work thing I know girls used to pull once a month. I think I was cursed due to my lack of empathy.
I am married, but I promise not to judge…. 🙂 Also, thanks for the menstruation stats. Always good to know stuff like that…you know, incase I am in need of making scintillating dinner convo. Probably would have went over well with a boring client tonight. Ha. Sorry if you are feeling particularly blue. 🙁
hahaha.
but you don’t have babies and issues…
when people have babies they tend to run away and do the mom thing, which I can totally respect, but can never expect for myself.
But for someone like me right now, friends are like this foggy distant memory I had once when I was younger. I’m talking someone to bullshit with and go do stupid girl shit with and shop and just do nothing with…
Right now I have a lovely young man. And people I talk to on the interweb.
well sorry I have babies, but we can still hang out when I get to town, if you like. I’ll be able to throw the babies at Brian occationally. The more you have babies the more it’s nice to get out of the house to do stupid girl shite.
on that subject I need to know what events you’d like to come attend in two weeks so I can plan ahead and secure tickets if need be.
thurs is threepenny at Studio 54 and fri is in Inferno in Bkln
you’re more that welcome to join us for both if you’re feeling up to it, and Eddie might be interested to check out Inferno since he’s in the music scene (though they’re deffinately not hipsters).
hope you feel better soon!
xoxo,
D.
ps. did you ever get that package or do I need to got postal on the post office?
to make the decision easier…
the options have been narrowed. turns out the Inferno show has been reschedualed and relocated due to some ClearChannel fascism. the new date is July 28th at the bowery ballroom. coincidentally, that’s right on my B-day so I hope you’ll still come. 🙂
Re: to make the decision easier…
ah. of course.
I don’t think of you as the typical mom, as you are sane and cool and very down to earth and seemingly unposessed by the domestic demon that seems to implant itself into the heads of most mothers I know.
In other words, you seem to live a full life, and aren’t afraid to hang out with single chicks like myself.
I can’t wait for you guys to come to town!!!
I’ve been looking for that kind of friend since I moved to Ohio but to no avail. If only we lived closer… I have far too much time on my hands and would be more than happy to devote a good portion of it to any bullshitting you’d desire. We really do need to come visit you.
yes, you do.
I am doing pretty fancy considering. We have a queen size futon you guys could stay on if you needed a place to stay!
Friends are hard in these “cold half the year” places I think.