context is everything: fiction is better than truth
I have been musing quite a bit on relationships and basically our relationship to the world around us. I think there is something to be said with communing and connecting with nature, sure, and some people have more of that access to fully integrate into their existence. There is an absolute natural power to the life that grows around us but there is something more often than not affecting us on a daily basis and those are the people and energies you relate to which are around you most every day.
As I’ve mentioned, I work from home. It’s easy, it’s efficient and it is a low commitment to the world around me as a general rule. I can choose to leave as little or as much as I want, largely, save a day or two during the month when I am required to yes, actually get dressed and go in the office. As it is, most of my adventures do seem to operate within a 3 mile radius because I guess I am a great consumer of shit. But anyways, yes, the grocery store, Target for medicine, or out for art supplies or computer and camera equipment, the latter less, but those are the reasons I leave. The problem with that is you kind of learn to exist in a world built up on your own expectations and it is super easy for people to fuck that up just by even fucking being there in the space with you at all. Everyone texts and drives and it is absolutely insane, but where have I been the past few years while it has developed into an epidemic? Working from home is where. So this slow boil you guys got used to I have explicitly escaped being antisocial, basically.
So I have discovered a real lack of patience with the world around me as a result of my own self-imposed exile. A lot of times people’s motives escape me, and sometimes it is clear what they are. Sometimes it is as simple as someone wanted to start some shit and you happened to land the hit. I can think of a few examples of this, one being a situation where one of my aunts ratted out some criticism I had for my parents in front of my birth family. She proceeded to tell both my parents, who really didn’t care anyways, but the point was, what purpose did it serve? I asked her that a few times, her knowing my relationship to my family. She wanted to lay a bomb of drama in something that served no purpose at all. Do I go reporting everything from every conversation I have had with someone? No. I am not that bored, JFC.
I am trying to figure out how to remedy all of this, but that primarily involves me sinking into a book or new series which will lead me on a pretty satisfying path of complete ignorance to the world around me. Right now fiction is better than truth absolutely. I tried to find some escape on social media but ultimately I kind of just want to delete my facebook and bitch here into the ether or on my instagram. I have been watching and reading up on the most successful influencers, which makes me question even inviting that level of scrutiny onto my person.
So as I am sure you have gathered, I am still a bit on the fence about the level of exposure in inviting people into my world like that. I know already I am not happy with my face. My body is fine. My face is fine, but I am not happy with either. I have been doing a photo series and progression I might post one day but burpees and facials absolutely are a part of my world as of this month. I have posts I have written on all manner of subject but again, that’s still a lid on some parts until I figure out how far down I want my pants pulled–
