bleh bleh leh

The tops of my shoulders are pretty freakin sore. I really don’t dig this whole pain thing. It’s really no party. My visiting home health aid flaked out to go hang out with her family, I’m sure of it. I don’t think I will like her much, as she probably won’t be able to appreciate my young lifestyle much…my tattooed back and arms, and the general disarray that is my living area currently. Not that I care much, but it’s much easier to have someone wash your back in the shower when they don’t look down on you.

I weigh a frisky 124 pounds today, which is like 14 pounds less than pre surgery and 20 less than December. It’s pretty sick to observe, as my less than ample chest is literally now just two nipples. I mean, I was pretty skinny before, as you all know, but now imagine it 20 pounds under when most of you saw me last. It’s all good, I forgot what it was like to have size 4 pants slip off my ass with just a tug. I’m on the last belt hole, which is also pretty interesting. Anne and I were talking yesterday about how it is to wish you were a few pounds less, but how different it is to have a major health problem be the cause of all the weight. She brings me presents every single time she visits, and yesterday brought me this box of goodies from Origins, some body creams (one chocolate), chocolate oil, deodorant and goody goodies that totally brightened my day. She explained since I couldn’t go out and get stuff myself she did it for me. I cannot tell convey how much these little things totally brighten and highlight my day, since most of yesterday I spent curled up in a ball choking on my coughing.

My vocal chord is still out of commission and worse than before. Sometimes I choke completely on little things like water. My cardiologist told me my left diaphragm was up a bit too high and when I see him on Monday I might have to go see a pulmonologist to see about it. I did get another doctor referral (another person my doctors go to) to see an laryngologist  (I have no idea how it’s spelled) on Thursday. I know at this moment that I seriously will never be able to work in a heavy speaking role with the current condition of my voice, which sounds obviously winded and far from my former sex phone sounding voice of before.

I feel like I am driving E over the edge. I am a little too cranky and he’s been taking care of me, working and juggling everything else, too. He’s been so good, and I wish I could alleviate the stress, but I can’t help the amount of pain I am in.

My friend C is coming over tonight to get in a cab to go with me to the pharmacy to get another prescription (tylenol with codeine) to stop the coughing. We might might might take a little walk three blocks to a cafe we like. This would be more exercise in one day than I’ve gotten in 3 weeks, so maybe I can do it. It would help my sleeping later, I am sure of that.

I owe some more urgent emails to people. Sorry I stink. I can only sit hunched for a few minutes at a time.

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