behold the power of shali

hahaha.

shali is probably most responsible for the fact that I am still here, hoping and filled with expectation.

not that everything will be okay because i’m going to work hard to get it, but that everything will be okay because it simply has to be—and it’s been imagined.

UPS stinks butt, but that’s because they’re too lazy to do their job. Those packages’ delivery slips came today…but I didn’t get either one because my doorbell is pushed in, non-existent.

I spoke with Laura today about how disadvantaged the quality of life is here, versus Argentina, or even Vermont. She just got married. And I also found out that one of my friends, former captain of the manhaters, M, got pregnant and popped a baby out…named Isabella, which is one of my favorite favorite names. She used to joke around that she wouldn’t have a baby because she would have to dress it up in black and throw it in the corner. Strange, but true.

Everyone seems to be baking them in the oven this year. Three friends I grew up with, all former best friends, making good on that procreation thing.

I feel pretty far behind. I can’t imagine myself married. I can’t imagine a brood. In fact, I question whether either is a possibility or even a desired reality in my future. The desire comes and goes, probably with the cycles of the moon. Sometimes it seems secure, sometimes it seems like entrapment. Sometimes it is ludicrous, no matter how much I love and care for another…I’m bi-polarly interested in that route…sometimes yea, sometimes neh.

I suppose these are not things to think about…or consider. My imagination tends to run wild sometimes…In fact I gave myself chest pains last night, as it’s been said my heart cannot handle any more fear, anger, distress or anything negatively charmed. But then I called Shali, and they went away.

E and I were talking about backup plans for my financial condition. My backup plan is that there is no backup plan…I have to make this all work…

But if you want to send me money, you can paypal it to me…no, I am kidding. Because I am the mother, the solution finder, the person who gives. But whatever. I’m over it.

Or you can send me good energy and prayers…both can help, not hinder the cause.

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