and so the day goes
I don’t think people realize what an illness and major catastrophic health problem can do to a relationship that is not a marriage. It seems that people always think that they have been through more than you because they simply had to watch you suffer. Granted, I am not taking away the points earned for sticking around through major surgeries and this whole life/death thing. But I think people inherently are selfish and have no clue as to what having to wake up with that reality and watch your own flesh and bone go through these experiences really does. I am fairly sure that most everyone is concerned only with what they might be experiencing at a given time, and any thought to another person is a mere afterthought.
Lately I have been going through my own hells, of course. It seems as if the chain of communication with pretty much everyone is kinked, if not severed entirely. It is pretty sad when you think about it. I am always the person people say is really easy to talk to, really easy to get along with and confide to. But it seems as if the most obvious places where that would be are lacking. I have become pretty accustomed to the fact that shutting my mouth is sometimes the only solution, or rather the one thing that does not aggravate the situation any further.
I am not good at shutting up and censoring my emotions to accommodate someone else’s issue though. I pretty much say what is on my mind at all times, something that has been fucking me up quite a bit lately.
Note to self* fighting is not making you feel any better.
But on a side note, I am getting used to things exploding and blowing up in my face. It’s pretty awesome when that whole mantra of expect the worst, hope for the best, seems to fit everything so nicely.
come over already.
I hear ya. I *so* hear ya.
D has a favorite phrase: Your elephant mouth overloaded your hummingbird ass. 😛 But I’m a redhead… Irish… Aries. No excuses, though. But .. I gotta work on this grumpy thing. I’m grumpy far too much, and way too emotionally overwrought. *feh*
*hug* Don’t I know it on the fighting. Hope you feel better soon honey. Smile, you’ve made it here.
I am supposedly Scot-Irish……the only fact I`ve been told about my true heritage as I was adopted
and Taurus
hear me roar as well…..but only when provoked of course
Aries don`t even need to be provoked
heeheehee
well duh!
nobody knows what you`ve been through or how you REALLY feel……..that`s the beauty of emotions……they are all yours to own
I have had a difficult time (cuz I`m a man) learning that while I thought the fairer sex felt much the way I thought they did, I was either/or…..
1)horribly WRONG altogether
2)did not understand the scope of the emotion
3)underestimated the complexity of the emotion
4)offended the other party by claiming “I know how you feel”
5)didn`t exactly understand “validating her feelings” and thus failed to do so
that`s when I started keeping my mouth shut…..and learned a valuable lesson or two about women……..
1)they want you to be quiet when they speak
2)they don`t want you to say “I know how you feel”
3)empathy…….not pity
4)telling her what she “should do” or “need to do” is condescending even if the intentions are well-meaning
5)if she asks what to do, that means tell her “You have to do what you feel is right”….and then further empathize…….she will do what she feels right no matter what you say
6)just listen……she just wants to say it out loud…..and know you give a fuck enough to listen to her…….no need to be the hero and “fix it” for her…..she wants to fix it for herself
men are so much different….not as complex…….THANK GOD!
that was seemingly unrelated tangent there…..sorry
I think people tend to get a bit frustrated with folks that are sick……they can`t imagine the physical……..let alone the emotional damage that comes from being all screwed up and sick…….after awhile they may start to feel like you should just “buck up”…..be a “trooper” and keep on truckin
then there is the dynamic I like to call “I went thru this shit with you”
a sort of “Vicarious Suffering”……and some seem to think they are ENTITLED (where is the italics key……ok, I digress) to some points for that, rather than you giving them unsolicited points for their selflessness……and it usually indicates that what they did wasn`t selfless at all, but borne out of a self-imposed feeling of responsibility or an obligation to the sick person…….which isn`t selflessness at all……one comes as a result of guilt……the other as a result of unadulterated Love for the person suffering
shutting your mouth?…….you would deny yourself the vocalization of your deepest feelings?
I get the feeling you aren`t that kinda girl,Lil Blondie…….you could try……but something about the look in your eye tells me otherwise…..you weren`t born to submit
look, people have a right to say what`s on their minds……the blunt truth…..and the truth is always better than a lie…….the truth may hurt but a lie hurts alot more…..and if there is one damn thing I`ve learned throughout my interesting walk thru this plane, it`s that folks only like to hear what they want to hear……and that`s too damn bad cuz I like to say what I mean……I might temper my words a little but the truth is between the candy coat for those that can`t handle blunt
I learned a very long time ago that to speak how I feel is my RIGHT as a human…..and it`s incredibly liberating.
one a side note you would think a guy like myself who knows pain and suffering would be a good nuturer
I AM NOT
comes from a lack thereof as a child I guess…….I wasn`t taught the skills
I`m great with kids (I think……at least they aren`t crying anymore after I “fix them up”)
but adults……different story……I tend to judge the level of sickness in the person……..not how the percieve that level but how I percieve that level
and if I`ve put up with worse and kept on keepin on, then I choose to blow it off
I an ass aren`t I? (yes)…….I have to learn to remember that a migraine headache lasting two straight days to a healthy person is as excruciating as my lifetime of arthritic and heart-related pain can be on any given day rather than sya to myself “Oh I`ve got bigger issues than that person……Fuck em”……..I don`t really say that but I do adjust the way I treat the person as to the degree of nuturing I`m willing to give…….I unfairly judge some people as wusses sometimes and blow them off
Kids are different but relatively healthy adults get no sympathy from me when they`re sick……damn….that`s pretty selfish of me to think if I can roll with this two-legged mess, then they can to……unless of course they are worse off than me or just as messed up……then I kick it in like the doctor I play on TV
I need to work on that
PS……I can`t seem to spell “NURTURE” correctly