a lot can happen in the spaces in between days
Well then. First let me explain my sudden and shocking absence from the land of internets. It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t a bill I did not pay. Nuh-uh. It was the thieves of the internet, the hacker elite, who torched a server my hosting company had. Luckily for me, Boydan, who oversees such matters, got to it as soon as he could and got me all fancy and new again.
There were many notable things that have gone down over the past few weeks of course, as I tend not to live a sedentary life. I have been much more successful making friends lately than I have been previously. Of course I can credit the thing I blame the most for these issues, the in-a-net, catching the wayward few as they peruse through the–(sigh, I admit it)…the internet dating website I am on. I know, I know, I should be out there meeting people in person. I get it. I feel gross admitting this, but I am pretty sure I am about as veteran as they come with these methods. It beats the telephone dating I tried when I first moved to NY…but it is still a far cry from the organic process I would like to re-experience. I have met several and I can suggest that under the guise of “she is looking for friends,” well let’s say it is a lot less stressful than one would normally assume. This means I typically do avoid the whole date date thing of it all to start, but not always. I am not an asshole at all, I understand expectations of those who are ponying up cash to take my sweet ass out. So typically I won’t go out unless I can afford it on my own. Again, there are exceptions to this rule but I tend not to break many of my own rules in this regard. It is not dissimilar to my idea (back when this was possible) that if I were to have children, there is no way I would try to do it with the expectation that someone else would support me and my baby. If I couldn’t do it alone, well, I wouldn’t do it at all.
Did she just compare going out to dinner and paying for it with supporting a baby? Yes, yes I did. And I don’t care. It’s to illustrate a point, not to make any grand social statement. But it’s cool! I can’t have little ones anyways and I am actually good with that these days. It makes sense. It’s the way the cookie crumbles be that as it may.
Oh and yes…on 7/8/9…well 7/8/11, well, that was my 2 year independence day celebration. I know you probably want to read I went out and really celebrated my independence. The celebration was more in my own head of course, given I would be going out with myself, alone. That was the last time I felt like I could trust anyone, that they had my back, that I guess I was part of a partnership. It sounds much less thrilling to say, that was the last time I had a boyfriend (again, cue the violins). But I guess that is the most clear and concise description of the thing. It’s cool though. I am certainly in no rush. In fact I guess I almost deny the whole practice. I do me, in every sense, very well. I do what I want when I want. Nobody to answer to, no screaming children to guide through life. I have a kind of freedom mom friends of mine would relish. Sometimes it is lonely and other times, well, let’s just say I would not trade places with you if you paid me.
Hmmmm. And then yes, the writer’s workshop. I know you can see the grand differences in the writing I splatter out here. I don’t care. I got some very very good information and learned a great deal. And yes, yes I made friends! Yay for me! I don’t think I have ever had the opportunity even through school of making such friends with the writer community even in NYC…so this was a fantastic treat for me. I am getting a tab put up here for my poetry and fiction…I haven’t even looked to see if it was done. It will take the place of contact, as a whole page of how to get in touch with me seems to be a waste of space and opportunity. I definitely will be updating it…after I send some stuff out to be published anyways. I only entered one contest, and won a little prize back in 2000. What an idiot I am…never trying after that when I have a literal book full of poems I never did shit with, aside from smooth the egos and torch the hearts of the men, er, boys then, that I have loved. Here you go, though. This was me, writing under my magnetsky moniker (magnet skies), something very few of you know about. I was all of 23. My voice now (writing voice) is not dissimilar with my poetry but is much more fluid, a little more developed, but I still like this, as it was my childhood in Colorado Springs. Next post will be a picture pages post, full of photos of my week at Grand Lake and my 40’s ball I promised…
www.webdelsol.com/IBPC/archive2000.htm
Honorable Mention
The Smooshing of The Caterpillars
by Magnetsky
About.com
purple grape kool-aid lips
these children in laughing and
the light of the sun different for them
that playground, red rock gravel-like
pressed into my shoes, jeans, clothes
and we laughed all day and ran up that hill
village seven where I left my dreams and fears
child-like in fancy, bottle rockets of blue
springing out over the horizon
my reality, burst fire of pikes peak across the window
too close to touch
bump city bike rides and grass in my mouth
sweet, rolling in crabtrees dust
I remember the feel of the clay in my hands when we
dug the backyard out
and the caterpillars I collected,
keeping them in, cardboard castle beneath
my bed, and the light was so different then
than it is now
and my hopes and fears, I never
could concieve my existence then
I just remember the lamp light, late night
swooning shadow-like across the street
I didn’t stop dreaming of that
for 8 years at best
dad moved my family 15 times
maybe 23 homes they abandoned
I always envisioned them missing us,
my sister and brother and
little pee-wee’s soul, maybe floating
around the fireplace where he was kept
here, at solid computer terminal musing time
I wish to get back to the reality of
earth
for in the concrete city my soul
divides, in half-like, where-ing
it lies next, what becomes the answer to
the questions of half-existence
I half exist in my mind
the remainder outside and I can speak
and you can hear me
and see my words
and my little movie
I wonder when and how it ends
backgrounds of sounds
my childhood lost
in village seven, box-kited nightmares
and forgiveness of the ripping of
my heart strings plucked along
on the smurf guitar
wishing and muddied faces
laughing it echoes as it does still
in the greenways
the light of the sun
different for them
