May’s full of maybe
Well, the world is on fire. Seems to be something we can say every once in a while with a sort of frequency that is a bit uncomfortable. But there are good things too in the midst of the shit storm. Don got his resume uploaded to the database and has already been contacted by two different people, one a nationwide recruiter who mentioned she had stuff in Colorado and all over the country, and another offer to discuss for Tampa–Florida I have some definite reservations with because it seems like a pretty unsafe place to be in terms of the climate and the crazy people, but warmer seems to be the theme he is going for over Colorado. He did send for Hawaii, though it will definitely be expensive so he will have to choose the job for the job and we might have to do some gymnastics to correct our course.
The great thing about moving is I have done it enough I am a bit of an expert–major state move 8 is Colorado though it’s only the 7th state I have lived in so far–but clearly we have no children to worry about uprooting. Just another possible major move to contend with, more stuff to throw away and yet another address to add to Amazon. There are certainly worse things and ideas to contend with over that–obviously because we live in backwards times the good has to be tinged with uncertainty and weirdness.
As far as possible surgeries go–whatever on those. I am pretty chill. I have done the BP and pulse-Ox and generally both are quite good. 96-99 on the oxygen levels would lead me to believe my body is not stressing, is not struggling to do well at this altitude, is pretty chill now. I looked back over the past few years and realize everything we have done since getting kicked out a few years ago have been building moves. Moves to build our life, moves to build our possibilities and potential, moves to build something nice for me to relax into. I cannot let my heart crap redirect our path—any pain I tend to have and get isn’t permanent which is good. I am not fainting. I will take the appointment and test results and send them to NYC after for a second opinion if that surgeon seems like he’s in a rush to do it. But all in all I am a very mellow lady and I am not into making things more stressful or hurting myself with stress. I’ve been there, done that and now that I have experienced the extreme alone I was from October through May–forget it. As long as I have Don and the Duke, all is good, and I know he feels that way as well.
Man that absence makes the heart grow fonder has a lot of truth to it–I think he and I needed to experience what life was like without each other to really appreciate all the work we have put in over the past almost decade–next year would be year 10 together and he and I have been through all the shit. Illness, injury, miscommunication, all of it. There were times when I thought we wouldn’t make it for various reasons–most were due to respective insecurities and we both have said some fucked up shit to each other but as he said to me the other week, we’ve already had all our fights so we’re finally an old married couple–who really seem to know the boundaries of the other person. There’s an enormous respect he has developed for me over the years which I appreciate–oftentimes I felt I had nobody respecting me and what I want and have been, and he’s had enough garbage experiences with women to appreciate my level-headed approach to most things. Sure he thinks I care too much about the world which we sometimes still fight about–but we have finally grown to the level where we don’t have the same lame misunderstandings and fights that can happen when you have two headstrong people butt them–we finally have grown into each other. I never believed I could have that because I thought my rotten body was a bad investment, but now look at me….I am still loved and not alone, even with my rotten body. And somehow I miraculously ended up with someone who was willing to take care of me. I mean, yeah I did it with him for the time he had nothing, but even exchanges aren’t things I am exactly used to, but it appears patience paid off.
