sticks n stones and all that shit
So….the ice stake I have swallowed is slowly melting. Better that it’s ice over the wooden post–there’s a chance for it to melt.
And it has been, slowly, slowly. It still hurts and feels like I have swallowed a ball of sticky tape and it’s just stuck in there and bleeding. I have been trying to hack it, work it out, think it out, and it’s still kinda there no matter what I do. And I think of words and I think of actions and I see–actions are always going to murder possibility beyond the affect of words. I think my biggest weapon has been my words, hers has been action or inaction to protect not much about me besides not an immediate throwing of us totally out, I mean it was 5 weeks at the end of it all.
Words are sometimes careless and require less investment than an action like this…so I guess there is an answer in that as well–her words would have failed her, so instead, she lost them and showed me what she really thought of us? Yikes, but the truth in there will be the hard thing to forgive. But, as a friend mentioned today, noticing I am also like her, ready to help anyone–hell the reason she probably hates me is I bulldozed into this building and helped a few friends with living space in exchange for working on the unit. See, those are my actions–and not the kind this family pushes.
Goodness, see how hard this is?
ANXIETY. see. It’s a mean thing. And not knowing WTF is going on at all–totally stinks. GIVE me something pretty, universe!
