slippery sun shines
Oh the squeals of delight emerging from my head (not mouth to screen, see) regarding the current weather. I cannot wait for 98 degrees and 90% humidity…it is the only time my hands don’t appear as pastrami…and any discomfort is curbed by the fact that it’s not 10 degrees and snowing out. I was telling my mom that when we were discussing my next open heart surgery…I was like wow, how nice it will be to not have to deal with this stuff in the winter…I imagine myself morbidly depressed inside my apartment, scars shrunk by the chill like a chicken in the freezer. Aortic and open heart surgeries #1-5 were done in pretty chilly weather…kind of makes me wonder if there is some weather correlation…when it’s cold out maybe even my arteries are weaker like my bones and scar tissue is? Who knows…the doctor mentioned intestinal arteries being the next arteries at risk…Either way, this last one is the last for a while except when the valve needs to go…and it’s planned instead of emergency 30% survival chances like the first three…and that is why it’s in the Spring…because I can actually pick the day.
But the healer and I have been talking about this stuff…and I realized something as we were talking. They can tell me my whole body is going to implode because all of my arteries are going to go haywire…and the best way of dealing with this is dumping all of the bad energy off of my spirit and soul…and concentrating on not thinking about the ever-dissecting arteries. He told me of cancer patients who healed themselves simply by having no recognition (negative or positive even) of what the word cancer meant…and they were able to heal themselves. As it is, in the past I have pictured reinforced tissue wrapping around my aorta and arteries…and this idea of bio-feedback has worked for me…He told me to think of this issue as something I made up in my own head. And even if it’s not true (which I am doubting to try and think), how much lovelier will be life be if I wasn’t always looking for something bad to happen?
I have the slickest plans for fall and winter, partnered up with my friend C…life will be the awesomest once I gain control again.
I am so excited to go outside again- I really wish I had a swimming pool….
May I add you? Your journal is inspiring 🙂
but of course yes yes…
It’s funny…my positive kick in the pants is of late…I have lots to say in back posts about my anger at the government and all that…I am usually considered pretty controversial and opinionated…but you can see for yourself.
I will add you as well!
d
Re: but of course yes yes…
Ha ha ..yes, I use my journal maybe a little too much as a venting tool for my current disenchantment with our government and the direction our country has taken too.
I’m glad you’ve got “positive kicks in the pants”. 🙂
I read back through your journal some and you’ve been through a lot. You sound like a very courageous girl. Kudos to you deaa… It gives me hope because I’ve only had one surgery and sometimes feel tired. Knowing there are other folks out there who have gone through even more and keep plugging means I know I can do it too. Thanks a lot for being so open about it.
We seem similar in some ways. Physically evidently… and I also lost a very close best friend (she probably knew me better than anyone…even my parents) when I moved here to Seattle, due to her self destructive habits. I felt if I stayed in the situation I would be enabling her behaviour (she was a drug addict)… It was horrible because I knew she had abandonment issues but I was also trying to just recover from my surgery at the time. I was very self protective then — and still am sometimes… probably too much so… And of course our political frame of reference seems to coincide as well.
Thanks for the add 🙂
Re: but of course yes yes…
Oh yes…
I am a surgical veteran…though I have been through all of them within the past 10 years…and I am 29 now. I didn’t have much in terms of those free-wheeling party-time twenties, but I always try and have a good time.
Yes. Down with the administration. I have so many things I have written about them I would be suprised not to have my own FBI file. Though it would be a badge of honor to have my words paid attention to—regardless, I am so happy that Bush will be slandered and chastised for the rest of his life for leaving the country in its worse fiscal shape probably ever in history, and for the fact that he is leaving our country with most likey some 50,000 or so amputees. Quite a legacy to leave and something to aspire to…
if you’re satan, that is.
I have a new friend! How exciting…and rare on livejournal. I usually scare the shit out of people because I am so vehement and vocal.
😉