Paranoia of letting balloons fly?
Woot. Today, they say, is gonna be nice. I just tied the balloons to the sign outside. For some apparent reason, I have a bizarre fear of letting them go. I spin back to being like 4, and feeling like I was going to get carried off by them, and then accidentally letting one go. It really makes me sad, and it might be one of my more irrational fears, but everyone at work knows about it, and they rarely miss an opportunity to make fun of me for it. I seriously get panicky when I am holding them, afraid someone is going to bump me or I might be clutzy. I would be one of those people who would cry in understanding if I saw a little kid in the same condition.
So this week’s revelations are: drinking is bad, and doing drugs all the time is, too. I think back to when I was dating the lead singer of Bane, and how easy and clean life was. I did meet him with a joint in one hand and a beer in the other and was smoking cigarettes, but things quickly changed when we moved in together. GAY. I won’t make the same mistake with a guy again, I hope. But, the point of the story is: for the first time since the middle of January, I did not smoke it up on Saturday, instead choosing to get obliterated on alcohol. Then last night, opium found its way into my hands. I feel like I just turned of age and have had to try everything one more time, but I have to go back to my normal self for the rest of the month. I never did anything or drank to any kind of extreme, not finding too much interesting about not maintaining control.
I also have pledged a new workout routine. This is it: I am going to work out, given that I never ever do. I need to lose the winter pudge, and it’s going to take 4 hours a week to do it. I dig the trainer I work with so it should be ok.
Oh yes, and management at the gym: I am waiting for my promotion offer letter with a nice bump in pay, I hope. We will see when that happens.
So the rest of the month’s focus: art and school. Fafsa and applications and tax returns and writing and nothing else. No drugs no rock n roll no nuttin. March is around the corner and it should be getting warmer. I miss the SUNNNNNNNNNNN.
