harpy barfday to me
There’s that whole idea that we have to spend our birthdays every year in a perpetual state of contemplation; judging the past year for our accomplishments, mistakes, and the justification that we have survived another year.
For me this birthday is especially signifigant especially considering I was in surgery 8 years ago, went through my last one 7 years ago, and somehow my heart keeps beating on.
Granted the last couple weeks have been crazy in my life; not for an addiction to drama but a refusal to stand in stagnation. I will most likely be quitting the gym within the next few weeks. My vacation is November 2-9th and I will hopefully not be returning after that. I have a few friends here; people who will watch my back when everyone else is stabbing it. From a sales standpoint I will never be good enough to sell anything unless I believe in it, and more importantly believe in the company. Crunch, as I have stated before, runs pretty much like most businesses, except that there is an obvious disregard for both the employees and the members (see no air conditioning for two summers for further validation). As long as people are walking in, nothing else really matters.
Meeting up with my blood relatives reinforces some abstract thought; though I have no idea what it is. Maybe its an acceptance or some validation. It really is hard to say.
I spent some time with my old friend on the phone talking about her wedding. It’s funny but talking to her and realizing she needed my help made me understand even more that my friends are what is important; friends, family, being able to maintain solid relationships with people who give a shit about me and not some po-dunk little company. My friend Laura just mentioned that being happy is the first step; and that everything else will fall into place.
I’m starting to believe that and understand that more than anything else. This way I can free my days up and focus on Redbull, do art, travel around and try to achieve happiness begot by freedom. Sounds so much better, no?
THank you all for your happy birthday messages and phone calls. I am a lazy mofo when it comes to answering personal ims and I am sorry.
rock n roll
