Shitty girls neglect
It’s interesting I have realized lately how much of me is so uncommunity-minded, how little of me there is to be categorized.
I joined this community some 4 years ago and have made many friends, however most of my contacts with very few exceptions (and you know who you are) are aquaintances who have been in and out and as transient as the weather. I have never felt too ostracized and most of this is due to my ability to move in and out of circles without much effort, and I find that in all honesty, the person closest to me, at least in physicality, has a few tattoos and not much else. I have walked the line of the super pierced super freaky, but I think I am beyond the whole I must shock my fellow man phase and I have moved into the I want to have a fucking good time and fuck anyone, freak or whoever who tries to stop me.
I know I have been criticized at points for opinions I have voiced about situations, people things. I retract nothing. I regret nothing. It isn’t in my nature to reject a lesson learned and actually regret something.
I want to publicly apologize for anyone I might have hurt in my absence, for the ims not returned, for my incalculatable ability to forget this piece of myself that is so in front of everyone else’s face at every moment, but so easy for me to forget. By forgetting I am insinuating that I feel as though definitions for myself extend far beyond the things that I do. It’s everything I want, eveything I desire, everything I breathe, read eat sleep.
Most people who know me I have a debilitating illness that could someday be responsible for my demise. I do not run around with a poor me mentality any longer. I feel as though I have alot to do in my life, and I am ready to pursue my endeavors to the fullest extent that time will allow.
I think I am in love. And despite my previous incantations of this one is different, I must say that for all intensive purposes, this one is. He’s an astrophysicist who works for nasa. I somehow have been able to capture his attention for whatever limited time span I am able to, and I finally feel like I don’t have to pine over long distances for people who live far away. I feel so strange about it. I don’t think I have ever felt at level with someone as I have with this one. Fucking goofball sicilian. Shorter than me even. I have been talking with him about astrology psychology planets..anything and everything. Sometimes I walk away from him and have a headache, feel sick, and need to get away because the intensity of discussions about galaxies colliding, days extending, and skies on fire can be a little much for post drunk, or early morning analysis. He treats me better than anyone else has, or maybe I have allowed to. He knows when I feel ill without me saying or shifting at all. It seems weird and almost cliche to say, but I think this one might be different.
I will not write here of my plans for the immediate future but I will say that when I start the ball rolling I will be back to say hello to some of my peeps.
I hope all is well.
deAa
