who’s the bunny…and who forgot how to sleep like a normal person???
hahaha…. Anyhow, as I careen closer to the menstrual flow time, it become apparent to me I turn into a mega bitch who cannot deal within the first few days of the flow…
I talked with V tonight about how my hatred for women will never allow me to be with them in a romantic way…she and Jennifer’s deduction was that I was truly a lesbian at heart, but that I had a strange hate for..for what? The pussy I really wanted, I guess..
The dick, though strange and looming far off in the background, is something I feel more comfortable with…be it the domination of the man attached, or the idea that I could bite it off at any point…ahahah…In any case, this is just a personal declaration swearing off all of it, the dick, the boy, the girls….and if I forget I have this testament to myself, I at least have a physical manifestation of that..It’s just that the whole pursuit is not necessarily a result of some self-examination of what is wrong with me anymore..
I have never been one to blame others for who I am..I am happy with who I am and the strange idiosyncracies that are mine are not a result of some past traumatic dealings with say, my parents..they are mine, and I have to love them as a part of me as things, though recognizable, things that can be changed and can grow with me as much as any other aspect can change and manipulate with time…I think that in the interest of self-preservation, that if we cannot learn how to deal with our own issues, and not blame, that we are doomed from the get-go…and to blame another person for the lack of ability to get involved with another person, on a friendship or lover-type level, means that the only person you have to blame for your inabilities to deal, is yourself…
nothing more
nothing less
just you.
