heaven is a ride on the back of a motorcycle, actually

(1:44 pm)

I think I had a span of time yesterday which was probably about as close to heaven as I have been in several years…and I can give credit to one of what is now 16 dudes I have met (clearly sure to increase as the days go by and my social circle enlarges)…but I am also fairly sure the best I have come to know so far in terms of energy, ambition and genuine world curiosity about people and situations around him. I am attracted to his wanderlust and continuous questioning of things he sees and enjoy his genuine ambition to absorb as much as he can while he is alive on this planet. His belief that we all spend too much time saving for retirement but not living in the now is very parallel to my own beliefs that I want to enjoy my own money, not leave it around for other people to use. He thinks that people wait until the worst years of their lives to try and use their fun money, instead of enjoying it while they have the health to do so.

I told him of my belief that heaven is now, this is where we can shift and change, forever continuously moving in between times of despair and prosperity, chaos and calm, life and death all of the time and that death to me, though clearly painless, is not where we have the ability to appreciate the best things by being aware of good and evil, hot and cold, right and wrong. Here is where we get to battle those wars out, here is where we get to feel that good after all of that bad. Here we get to appreciate it in a different way. Going elsewhere is painless, for sure, and though my consciousness might exist enjoying constant bliss and and existence free of pain, I am pretty sure right now I am just going to take advantage of what I can experience.

This is not to say I don’t believe we might have other consciousness, bands or buckets of energy that exist on other planes, capable of different things and different patterns of being. I definitely do.

Riding on the back of that back, a very sick Harley for sure, and rolling around the canyons, rocks cracking from the land in towering castles, and seeing the land break free out in front me me, hair blowing in the wind, hands clasped around his body…it’s like flying. It’s like flying through the air, wind and rocks and pebbles whipping past you, the most beautiful moments are when you realize there is nothing between you and that beauty. My mind burns those times into my memory, those are just those moments, given they are not plenty, when you feel that closeness with nature, and that peace that makes it all worthwhile–you exist within a moment, a sliver of reality in the home movie history that are the mountains.

I realize I have a pretty good radar about people in knowing who I can trust–something I have developed over the past several years. You don’t get on the back of a bike with nothing protecting you from outside forces but the will of your driver, and his competency while driving unless you trust their energy. You, of course, have to see some genuine appreciation for your existence at least a little bit, as you don’t want to deal with someone whose selfish energy will literally drive you off the road. This dude talks to me a little different than most of you guys, and our parallelisms about our lives from when we moved out of our parent’s houses (senior year, for those who don’t know) to his fierce independence–I don’t know–but I can trust someone who has survived on his own over a dozen plus years without killing himself or someone else in the process. A good percentage of the population doesn’t understand what it’s like to stand on your own two feet for 12 months on their own let alone 12 years. When you survive and not only just by the skin of your teeth, but also learn how to prosper…those are the people you can learn from, those are the people you should trust. Those are the people who will teach you about living, about breathing and seeing through life.

I am not sure when I spoke of this, since I happen never to tag anything, but the first question I asked my surgeons when they told me what was up and asked me if I had any other questions was, “Can I still go on roller coasters?” I did this not once, but twice–not, what is going to happen to me, what is my future going to look like?, oh no, none of those adult questions…the very first question I asked after my first two surgeries involved something I had done regularly since 1983. I am not ashamed of this at all. I had my priorities in order, haha. Totally.

That should give you some idea of what I largely fuel my belief system on, movement and nature, flying and flipping, having my heart metronome the experiment, feeling everything in life.

I have an appreciation for the sensation of ripping through the sky, jumping into the clouds, riding the wings of a bird, I want to rip the sun from the sky and chew it up. This is the reality I need to experience to feel my bliss, to feel my blood pumping. To not be able to go on roller coasters was the worst thought in the world because I am also banned from bungee jumping and sky diving, which are two things I most definitely would be happy doing. Flying.

———–

(4:35 pm)

I spoke with my mother just a minute ago and I really am my mother’s daughter. She told me her favorite dates always involved riding motorcycles because there is “nothing between you and the landscape, there is nothing between you and life.” Funny I almost said the same thing up there. How strange it is that we both are so similar almost always with our tastes in things.

I’m going to the opening night of the lighthousewriters.org/ in about an hour. Should be interesting seeing those guys again.

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