perched half-heartedly on the couch

I slept, up until a few minutes ago. Bjormio pizza man came down last night to see what was wrong with me, and did that whole friendly back-rub thing he has never really done before to me. This kind of stunted me out, he left, I slept, curled up against the back of the couch wall, dreaming. At roughly 6:22 am I craned my neck up in the fuzzy pitch black, so dark in the room the lines and edges on everything were blurry. I thought of E, and what a good time I hoped he had last night…lookin at the aol, he did come in pretty late, so I know he had a good time. Though sometimes I am jealous at that, I do realize I have not done what I need to deserve those little midnight soirees and social times…

Only problem with getting up this early is now my day officially has to start. Years ago this was my favorite time, the time when I was jumping back in my window to the sounds of my mother showering, grinning from ear to ear at having not been caught. Now I have a dog whose schedule is dependent on mine, she goes out anytime between now and noon, but since I am riled awake, it seems to be now that she keeps pawing my lap, wagging her tail, and wanting the inevitable descent into that dark cold black that is Winter outside.

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So I went, and came back, and there is still the frisky smell of Spring even with the dark damp drippy quality. The dog, surprised at the ease by which she was able to get me out, wandered outside quite lost, and didn’t really do what she was supposed to. Came back, and lo and behold, my stockpile of quarters really was ransacked by B the other evening while he was dog-sitting. He told me literally “I took money from your emergency money because I had a cigarette emergency the other night”. hahah. Good thing he feeds me a lot of the time and I cannot hold a grudge against that. I just felt this need to try and attempt normalcy again this morning. A bagel, a coffee, you know, the normal people stuff. So I found my last crisp one dollar bill, and now I am going out to friskily spend it amongst the masses on coffee coffee. I love that the weather changes right now, that a newness pervades everything to the point that the details are easy to point out in smells. Today’s big field trip is going to be somewhere in my head, demarcated on paper. I wrote my article yesterday, most of it…gotta finish the conclusion today.

I love me some unemployment but I do realize that it’s like being spoiled. I get a good amount of money simply because I was working 1, 2, 3 jobs last year at once, and the jobs I look at now are not worth any more than they were back then, which can be shocking to someone collecting what amounts to be 30 grand per year, much more than managing a gym pays you. And then you consider leaving your little cushy situation except that you are tired of fucking working 2 jobs at once, let alone 3. And then you decide no. Not a good idea. I do believe a more affordable rent situation would provide me with more sanity. My total bills/rent not including cell-phone or health insurance run around 800 depending on the season. And I know lots of people who cannot afford that. Though I do live alone, and I do have my own place. And that is spoiled, I know. But if I could cut it down to even 5 or 6, I would be so much better off. Which means pack your bags lady, you headin for the Bronx. Or Southward. Though the bombs would really have to go off for me to pack up and run down the eastern seaboard.

Oh oh oh…and thankfully, frisky T-mobile decided to send me a phone with upgraded software since this was one was so not right, and all I have to do is slip my phone inside the pre-postage stamped box when I get it, send it off, and no further charges. It’s kind of annoying since I told a lady earlier yesterday afternoon that I knew that the phones were messed up and that the rep even told me that when he was selling them, and she told me I had to pay for shipping or some bullshit. But when the phone actually stayed on for 2 minutes yesterday and flashed the Network Failure, Contact Provider with a little SOS on the bottom right, I had a feeling they would have to fess up and admit. And so they did, and sometime within the next 5 days my new phone will arrive looking very much like my old one with better insides. Oh yes….

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