Old rolls of film I needed to develop

I do this thing for lack of organization. I take rolls of film and
never develop them. I dropped off some 6 rolls a few weeks back, and
because of a sweet thing done by someone, I had the ability to pick
them up this morning. I had a suspicion that my film was either
California or Colorado and one I knew was homo and me back when we
first met in my first apartment in Jersey City, back in 1999. But I never counted on the memories that those rolls held. Me and Francis, with my birth mother Barbara, and at Francis’ birthday with
and her roommate C. Me and Francis are dressed to the nines because it
was a super formal restaurant. Francis was a wreck that night and we
spent much of the time shocking people with our tattooed arms while we
sat at the bar chain-smoking cigarettes. I have Nicole Kidman strawberry
blond hair and Francis is super sexy, too.

Me and my ex-boyfriend Michael in his Boston apartment with Gary and some girl
I don’t remember the name of. Michael is dressed in tight white pants with
a nice lady’s sweater. He poses in those like a raging homosexual and sports a wig in one. There
are pictures from 1995, when I had my first apartment in Worcester, Mass
with my friends Erin and Natalie. There’s this picture of Molly, a girl
who dated a friend of mine in High School. There’s me and Erin and
her brother Pete. I had moved out of my parent’s house second
semester of senior year of high school. Me and Dave and Jill and Matt
and Natalie, my first roommate. Me and another ex boyfriend, EN, sitting in my bed.
That apartment I was fucked up in 24/7.

One thing it made me realize is how much heavier I used to be, and at 5’10 now I am
a size 4 or 5. Then I was an 8/10. It’s food consumption changes, and not exercise.
That is soon.

The guy who developed them I told the story to, and remarked that
the pictures were some ten years old possibly. Some were. The funniest thing was
that 50% of the pictures involve smoking something.

Me and B, playing with a a cardboard orange gun sculpture I did in College
in 1997. Orange water gun with green trigger and cap. Four feet long. Hair is hot
pink. My face is pierced up.

No wonder I haven’t gone to college yet. My running to better situations started
early. There are those pictures from me and Mirvat and Meagan, my
best friend from Middle School who got married some years back. We are in a cabin in
Colorado on The Grand Mesa and at the continental divide, a beauty that
everyone should see in their lives.

My friend Kelly died last year this time almost. I need to get those
pictures reprinted from when we were in Oakland and Alameda,California. Send them to
her mom with the money people contributed for her daughter, Arielle.

Two ex boyfriends and one ex best friend. HA!

Huh. Life has a way of changing. Quickly and slowly like caramel, for me.
Soon, things are gonna be sweet. J and I made up as friends, and we
both know we each care for the other very much. But I need to see this
situation in California for what it has the ability to be. Paul has been
keeping tabs on me for four years, at some point coming to some realization
that our early Christmas morning makeout session four years before as strangers
on a greyhound bus might have been an introduction to a hot and messy see you
later on in life that we are both somehow prepared to experiment with right now.
If this situation isn’t the heart wrecking beauty it has the potential to be.
And not in a destructive way. In a pure and simple emotional reciprocation to a
heart paining degree. You’re so happy, it hurts.

J and I will still be around each other. He’s been a good friend to me in the times I have needed it. And now, it’s about us
being there to positively encourage each other.

My heart is butterflies. Everything has the potential to be so good very very soon.

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