the weekend
I had one of those weekends that you never forget. I have been running through it over and over again in my head–starting from Friday night where one of my best friends got married. A beautiful ceremony with a beautiful bride and groom. It is such an amazing thing to see people so happy together, and to be a part of that was nothing short of a blessing. They got married at Fort Hamilton, and it was such a beautiful space that I am slightly jealous I am not a veteran to have that ability to get married there…
The next morning, Saturday, I took the Acela up to Boston to see my birth father because his son was going to Berklee college of music at 17 and he wanted to make sure he was okay. I had no idea who would be there, because he has like 6 children, three of which are his own. He never referred to them as being my brothers and sister in conversation. They were simply Aidan or Matt or Kate…I met Aidan five years ago when Mark came to see me in New York for the first time. He was all of 3 then, and a really cute kid. I never saw the resemblance at all.
Mark was waiting for me at the station, with Matt. I looked at Matt for a minute, noting his features. I was a little taken aback by the similarities, but I wasn’t that sure we were related until much later in the afternoon, when I peered at the mail in his apartment.
Either way, after the pickup and my bag drop-off at the hotel, we ended up at family orientation lunch to hear the president of Berklee give the parents a welcome speech. Aiden was there, as well as Mark’s wife and his stepson. I should have realized upon seeing Colleen’s son that Matt had to be Mark’s kid, and my brother, but I just assumed that it would have been a bit more of a point made when we were being introduced. Instead it was, Deanna, this is Matt, have you guys met? Either way, yeah, so I was at family orientation day watching the inner workings of not-my-family from people who were my family (at least 3 of the 5 anyways). Which was actually completely fine.. I thought to myself many times over the day, wow, this is just bizarre, incredible, but really cool.
After leaving this event we went to the Aquarium, saw all of the jellyfish and turtles and other fun fishes. And when we all parted I just thought to myself, wow, this is my life, this strange crashing montage of people.
Anyhow, it wasn’t until we left the aquarium after ice cream where I realized we definitely were related on the way back to Matt’s place. He made some comment about seeing Bliss (the spa I work at) on the way to school every day. I told him no, we weren’t in Boston. He said, “Damn, I thought we had something in common besides the blood”. Bingo, my suspicions were now confirmed.
After we all went out to dinner and I started watching more of the family interaction and being a part of it, I realized that I was not mad, as he later thought I would be, that “my life was ruined damn you!” I am sad, though, much as I am when I am around my birth mother’s family, that they are all so amazing and cool to each other. I don’t fit in really, because I am just an outside observer. Sometimes I would give anything to know what that kind of family it really is. I watch them, and I see them, and I am jealous. I am not angry, or filled with rage anymore. My rage is long gone, drained out of me from too many surgeries. I am jealous that these people all love each other so much, that they don’t say terrible things to them. They call each other, they care about each other. They talk to each other with respect. Their parents want to do things to help them. Their parents do help them.
My parents, or my mom rather, hasn’t done a lot with this aside from tell me if I ever got married that she would not go to a wedding where those people were invited. That it would be somehow taking the focus off of me anyways, and would somehow be a scandal she could not bear. Vegas weddings were designed for people like me. But my mom is the one who would be mortified, because the attention would not be on them, it would be on me. I have a little brother. He has a twin. I have a little sister I don’t even know yet, a sister who might want to have more to do with me than my own sister does. I also have an 8 year old brother..wow, right?
I have a little brother. He’s really smart. Really funny. You would like him. He’s got wisdom born from being raised right. And although I do look like my birth mother, I look more like my brother at his age than I look liked her.
First- you look great! Love the blond hair. Last I actually saw you it was really dark.
Second- I know how easy it is to be jealous of other, seemingly “better” family dynamics. I know you know that there’s truth to the “grass is always greener” theory….and whatever you’ve been through with your own traumatic family experience- it’s made you who you are today.
I, too, have felt angry, sad, “gyped” and worse for the family situation I was dealt- but I also know it must have been for some cosmic reason, lol. When I figure out what that reason is- I’ll let you know. Just be aware, there’s many of us who empathize and sympathize with sucky family.
At any rate- it looks like you had a great time- so I’m happy for you. Glad the trip went well and I hope school is going wonderfully for you also!!!
Goodness- it’s almost your birthday too! WooHoo!
😉
hahaha–
And my birthday is your anniversary! That’s pretty exciting, too.
It is seriously so strange. I have written (or maybe I need to) about thinking they would both be trailer park people. And they both are amazing and such good parents and have such good families. It’s just so hard when I realize the only slight existence of my own family in my life. I am sad because I know I can never be a daughter to either of them. I can still be a sister though, so that’s something at least.
Re: 😉
I’m so mad- I posted this whole long thing and LJ ate it.
So yes- my anniversary (or really the sat night of the 20th) we’re hosting the dessert portion of the “progressive dinner” for the Newcomers & Neighbors group in our town. You know I’m an obsessive joiner….lol. B is less than thrilled but my thought when I volunteered us was, “ooh- we’ll have people come in our house, see our cool lampshades, they’ll think we’re cute/funny/charming and want to come to our store”. What will really happen remains to be seen. He’s nervous about people messing up our house. I told him it’s not a Kegger for Christ sake, but he doesn’t believe me.
At any rate- we’re having “anniversary celebration” this saturday night at One if By Land, Two if By Sea. Neither of us have ever been, it’s been called the most romantic restaurant in the city, and we got a coupon. I just hope there’s some “uncomplicated” stuff on the menu.
As far as your writing- please do us all the honor of writing what you thought they’d be vs what they are. As always, you’re life is fascinating and I don’t know all of this story.
Maybe you wouldn’t be the writer you are if you didn’t have all the family strife and BS. Who wants to read the memoir of someone with a perfect childhood or great parents….??? I just got the Nikki Six memoir not because I was a Motley Crue fan (sorry- I was more into Poison), but because I heard him on Stern, his life sounded totally fucked- yet now on the right track, so now I’m intrigued. Same with Tatum O’Neal, Michael Jackson, and the numerous other memoirs of fucked up lives I’ve read.
I have a NINE page letter still in progression to my mother. It’s angry, bitter, sad, and then some. It may never be finished. I stopped adding to it months ago because I can’t bear to look at it. But- without my mother being a collosal ass-munch, I wouldn’t be continuously honing my writing skills.
Strife, BS, and shitty family are just motivation in my book. Happy, quiet, loving family just breeds laziness.
😉 Miss you.
Re: 😉
I’ll definitely get on that writing thing–I am taking a prose section this semester. It’s poetry, but not ambiguous what the hell does this mean poetry.
I don’t like memoirs of boring people either…but most people don’t write them if they have nothing to say…
AWesome on the dinner thing–good restaurants are key. I still have a thing for the Russian tea room since it feels like a twenties decadent party place (at least when I have ventured in–)
This sounds like a fantastic weekend had. 🙂 Will you and Matt be keeping in contact?
BTW – If you’re ever in Boston again (and not visiting family you haven’t seen in quite a while), and you want to meet, let me know. 🙂
bawstin of course
Yes, it was good to see him and my little Francine. I am never good with planning ahead, but I will let you know.
This was kind of a spontaneous trip where I ended up trying to get a hold of people in the hotel room at 9:30…next time I’ll try to give notice!
Re: bawstin of course
I’m glad you got to see Francine. 🙂 I think she needed it.
These kinds of spontaneous trips are always the best. They make you feel so alive in the process. Next time you’re in Bawstin, or the next time I’m in New York, we should meet. 🙂
***hug*** with 5 estranged brothers and sisters out there, I can so totally relate to this. *sigh* And even Vegas weddings can get screwed up by moms, believe that. 🙁 I haven’t even ever met my sister Sarah, and I never will. Her mom cut off comms with me right after my dad died, so I won’t ever see her or Joshua. Danny, Donna & Wesley were cut off from me by their mom too. *sigh* What on earth can we do but suck it up and go on with our own lives?
I hear ya
It’s so weird. I hate feeling like I am the only one who cares. Whether or not this is true doesn’t matter, it’s just how it feels.
Re: I hear ya
We always are the outsiders huh? And our feelings are keener I think, because of what we’ve been through. I dunno. maybe we’re just speshul. 😀
amazing weekend indeed.
i’m proud of you, young lady – for everything you are, and for everything you’re becoming.
<3
spanks you
oohhhh a comment!
thanks. you don’t know how much that means coming from you.
i liked seeing you status from “in a relationship” to “married”.
it’s a beautiful thing, this life.